Golden Arches and Japanese Obsessions
by BluephoenixX
Summary: A short ficlet where Heero forms an unexpected obsession, which Duo finds hilarious. Rated PG for over-eating an unhealty product.


A/S: Ok, so this isn't a new chappie of Beginning of the End, but I had a few ideas floating around, and this is the twisted result.

Enjoy!

This was taking it too far. It was bad enough that they didn't have a safe house to go back to, and even worse for Duo that they had no food, having eaten all their reserves while waiting for a late ambush.

"Hey Heero, I hate to sound like I'm nagging, but we haven't eaten in thirty six hours. Surely even you're hungry by now?"

"Not really."

"Well I am, I've gotta find some food or im going to drop dead."

"Stop exaggerating. The human body can go for two weeks with out food."

"Yea, two weeks of utter misery." Duo mumbled under his breath, forgetting the Perfect Soldier's hearing was more than top-notch

"What was that?"

"Oh, nothing."

Walking through the streets of some un-named honky-tonk town in silence, things began to look up when Duo's nose picked up a familiar scent.

"Hey Heero, do you smell what I smell?" Unfortunately, Heero's nose was not tuned to the American smells that Duo grew up with. All he could do was filter out what it was.

"I smell cooking meat."

"That isn't just cooking meat, that's a burger!" He paused to sniff some more. "With gherkins and ketchup as well. Come on! We gotta find that place!"

Thus began the wild chase across the town in search of the elusive burger, with Duo's nose in the lead, finely tuned to root out food, wherever and in whatever form it may exist in. Where they eventually ended up was nothing short of a miracle. They ended up…at a McDonalds.

"Heero, do you see what I see?"

"Hn, I see an eating establishment."

"This isn't just an eating establishment, this is a McDonalds!"

"…So it is."

Duo was rooting around in his pockets even before supposedly super-observant Heero Yuy had formed a conclusion about the name of the 'eating establishment'. Upon finding an adequate supply of money, he grabbed the stupefied boy's wrist and dragged him through the glass fronted doors, complete with handles that formed a large M.

Approaching the counter, an acne-ridden teenager boredly asked to take their order, Heero just stared at the backlit signs proclaiming an array of burgers, drinks and sizes available.

"I'll order then shall I? Yes, right. He'll take a Big Mac with coke, and I'll take a supersize quarter pounder with cheese, coke and a chocolate glazed doughnut."

The cashier asked the usual question; "You eating in or out?"

"In, thanks."

Paying for the food and turning around, it was hard not to notice the absence of customers anywhere. A fact duo took advantage of.

"So Heero, where do you wanna sit? It's not as if you're strapped for choices."

Luckily, some of the training ingrained in the Japanese boy was still functioning under the strains of bad music, gaudy neon signs and dull-eyed employees. Functioning enough to answer anyway.

"First floor, facing the door."

"What ever you say man."

Finding a semi circle bench with a high back that allowed the pair to see the door, but also slide round and hide if necessary, the tray bearing the food was placed down, the boys sliding around to give each other enough room to eat.

Duo wasted no time in diving into the red box of fries like there was no tomorrow between taking long slurps of coke. However there was one obstacle preventing him from continuing. The thing was called Heero Yuy. Said Japanese boy was staring at the paper wrapped burger and golden brown fries in consternation. Duo was sure the words "omae o korosu" were about to escape his lips. To prevent a potential mess, he offered his services.

"What's up Heero?"

The next thirty seconds involved Heero looking between the burger and Duo's fries with a strange look on his face. Unfortunately when he did speak, his voice was still monotone and in all seriousness.

"Where are the chopsticks?"

Duo actually took a few seconds to re-process this last piece of information, half a fry hanging between his teeth before bursting out laughing while trying to hold the food in his mouth. The result was a lot of snorts, clenched teeth and a very red faced Duo.

It took a few moments for Duo to recover his composure, during which time, not a few of the staff wondered what was up with the quiet, mean eyed and the long haired, violet eyed couple. There was a rumour going around the place that the braided one was a sex change gone wrong.

Regaining a suitable composure was rather difficult, considering the inappropriateness of the statement Heero just made. You do NOT talk about eating with chop sticks in a greasy fast food chain.

However, given a certain amount of time, even the most perfect soldier will get bored of being at the butt end of a joke. In Heero's case, this causes the "omae o korosu" eyes to come alive.

"Ok Heero, I'll teach you something about American food. It is considered completely normal to eat with your hands. Like this." Unwrapping his burger, he lifted it to his lips and took a large bite, relishing in the juice that ran from the meat onto his tongue.

Finishing his mouthful, Duo gestured to Heero's burger. "Go on, try it."

It took a large effort of will for the short haired teen to unwrap the paper from a triple laired burger, and gaze upon its sesame-topped glory.

"That's right," Duo was urging him on "now get your fingers under it, and make sure you support the back, else it all falls apart." It was quite amazing to observe a Gundam Pilot, who in the face of a hundred space Leos will calmly return fire until ammo runs out then set about destroying each one, be nervous of a lump of meat and bap as it rises from the table.

"Now place your teeth above each end, and then bite down until your mouth closes."

Doing so, Heero found the sound of his teeth crunching through gherkins, lettuce and burger strangely appealing. It was a bit like bringing a light sabre down through a Leo, feeling it drag as it burned on the metal, then slide free when it comes right through.

As his teeth clamped together, he took time to analyse what a real American burger felt and tasted like. There was nothing quite like it.

Large amethyst eyes were gazing at him as the rest of the burger was pulled free of the bite just taken.

"Well, what do you think?" Heero finished his mouthful before answering with a nod and an "It's different."

"Ha ha, welcome to the joy of the hamburger! I presume you know how to eat French fries?"

"Just pick them up?"

"Yup. Bon Appetite!"

This precluded a period of silence where they both ate in silence, Heero trying for the first time French Fries and cola, Duo relishing in an old favourite.

Even though Duo had more to eat, he finished just before the other teen. Sliding down, he gave Heero time to catch up and his stomach time to settle.

"You finished then?"

"Yes."

"Shall we get going, find a place to stay?"

"…can I have another burger?"

"Come on the…what?"

"Can I have another burger?"

This took several more moments to sink in. "You…want another burger?"

"Yes."

"Erm," Duo's eyes took on a glassy look for a second "sure. You want the same one again?"

"No, can I have what you had?"

"Ok." Approaching the counter again, Duo ordered just a quarter pounder and returned to the same table, setting the burger down in front Heero.

"Thanks."

"No probs."

Duo, having had so much the first time around, sat back down to stare out the front window, while watching the Perfect Soldier eat out of the corner of his eye.

What happened in the next twenty minutes, Duo will never fully believe. Heero slowly ate his way through the entire McDonalds burger menu, sampling everything that had to offer.

Twenty five minutes later, in an almost abandoned fast food restaurant, sat a bored Duo and a rather ill Heero.

"All right pal, I think its time we left. The staff are looking at us funny. You already ate the entire menu, and you don't look so good."

"…ok"

Helping the slightly green boy to his feet, they walked towards to door.

"Man you don't look so good. Don't heave all over me, alright!

"…ok."

"Right, wait here a minute." Duo walked back to the counter and asked the same pimply-faced man directions to a hotel.

The walk to the hotel was made in silence, Heero trying not to look sick and Duo following the directions given.

"Alright, we're here. I'll get us a room." Duo walked towards the desk to enquire about a room with two free single beds.

Paying for a night and obtaining the keys to a room, he walked back to Heero. "Geez, I have to get everything for you, don't I? Come on, were on the first floor." Heero mutely followed the swinging braid as he was lead to way to his room and walked straight for the bathroom as soon as the door was open and locked the door behind him.

Once the Japanese boy had disappeared from sight, Duo lay down on his bed and closed his eyes, trying hard not to burst out laughing. After a while of this, a voice sounded from the bathroom.

"Duo?"

"Yea?"

"…I don't suppose there are any laxatives handy?

A/S: This was designed to be a one shot, but a new chapter might magically appear should sufficient inspiration hits me in the face.


End file.
